Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
So squirting runs in the family.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
