The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
