Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
