Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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