I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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