Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
