I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
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So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
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I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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