I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
