Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
