So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
