Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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