I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
