I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
