when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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