She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
only if we run a train.
done.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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