the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It's official drugs can't kill me
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
