the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
