nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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