Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
