haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Sext me about skeletons
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
