Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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