You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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