p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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