Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
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My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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