she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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