Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
