brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
