dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
