she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
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She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
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Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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