I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
