I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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