I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
