how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
