Non-Jews are for practice
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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