I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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