Your mouth is God's brothel.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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