We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
