how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
