Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
