its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
