This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
