Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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