i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm sobbing to NWA
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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