woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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