imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He has the fingertips of a God
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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