You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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