HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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