tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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