nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
