Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My vagina is very pro this idea
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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