in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
