And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
