and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
