I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
