Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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