Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
