in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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