i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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