Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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