the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
