Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
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He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
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So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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