..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
