just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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