playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
