Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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