a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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