can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
