i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
