i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
