South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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