No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
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his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
you made out with another girl for some wings
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No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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