his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
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Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
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I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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